I've never been in love with anyone but you

My heart seems to beat faster only in your presence

Although we sit afar and our lips don't touch

My heart is still in your possession

And my memories are stuck to those we made

Everyday I pray for you and me to become an us

Because every moment with you is a moment I wish never ends

A moment that could last us a lifetime 

Because forever you'll hold my heart.

For the longest time I believed these words in the poem, that you were the one that helped me breath and the one that I needed in order to go on. Now I post this poem and realize that baby your my past, one that yes I fell in love with but I'm done holding on to the little bit of string your throwing down at me. My love will be accepted open handily with someone else. We did end and I'm done holding on to those memories.

Meaning of the tatts

Scorpion- It tells you that I can be dangerous when I want to be, I can sneak up on you. Now my scorpion has been told to have some defaults but life isn't perfect especially mine. I really like my tattoo because it's me, behind the ear because I long to catch someone who wants to find the inner makings of my mind. It's simple and to the point because I can be the most simplest person one can meet, I'm not waiting around for the fairy tale instead I'm waiting for reality. But more importantly it lets you know my personality of being a scorpion.

Skull wit bow- I have a thing for skulls and rock. I think that getting my tattoo on my foot of my skull it brings forth the other side of me. The one that loves rocking out and having it on my foot just brings forth the idea of tapping my foot to good music. Yet the skull is designed with heart eyes to show that I am looking for a love but not really looking for the traditional love story.

Irie Star- I want it on my wrist so I can remind myself of the things that high school brought forth to me. Many friendships but also some pain that I thought I wouldn't get through and instead of having just faint scars on my wrist i place a star. Red to remind me of a fierce friend I had that showed me how to feel, green to bring forth my loving friend that showed me how to be unique and out there and yellow because I'm a mellow person and sometimes during party times you need to remember that.

A recent tatt that I just got the idea for was getting little figures on my fingers.

Hugging fingers- Shows that I don't need anyone but myself to get through life. Having the hugging fingers reminds me that as long as I have myself i can get through anything that life throws at me. And not man or other person can confort me like myself.

As life goes on my heart tends to get more fragile each time,
The knives you stabbed in my back have finally numbed away,
I've become immune to al your lies
Nothing can change the way I feel for you
The damage has been done and I'm moving on
Your words are just a wast of space
They mean nothing anymore
The friendship card was always played
but the player card is the one you were dealing
Over and over again I fell for the games
The game of your meaningless lies.

"Apricot Blossoms"

Apricot Blossoms=Timid Love.


           He's what I've been waiting for. Someone that I've build in my dreams many times. How did you walk into my life and fit in so perfectly? Everything was falling into place, you accepted my past and wanted me in the present. Now where do we go, when this may in a couple of months? I'm scared to give you my all, I've done it only one time before and I still hurt from it. But your like the band-aid I've needed, to take all the pain from the past way. I stop falling so easily but i can't stop myself from falling for you. I want to show you to the world, but I also want to keep you my little secret. :)
           It's better to love and lost than never been loved at all, my friends reminded me. When you meet a guy that knocks you off your feet all you want to do is keep them under your bed. You gave me the option to keep you longer, but keeping you from your dreams would be something I can never do to you. Our timid love is something that we'll figure out slowly, for now i'll enjoy the dates, and all the surprise visits i get. Baby wish you'd never have to go.

:)

glassed in.

Living through a glass pane I feel stuck.
I continue seeing my life fly by me as I fall into the atmosphere.
I want to yell, and feel how living feels.
But the way i'm living
Isn't the way I want to continue going on
A bystander in my own life how is this possible?
Missing the biggest moments of my life
Not cherishing them to the maximum
I can't love anymore
I have no clue if what I see going on with you is love
How can I feel when your on the other side?
I need to break from this glass and run out of here.

I'll be there for you-leaving it in ur hands

"I'll Be there for you"- Bon Jovi

          This is one of my all time favorite songs if I had to choose. I think it's because I grew up with it and was baking in the oven when my parents went to their concert. I wish I was lucky enough to see them life when they were still this amazing. Even though to me they still are to my dad they aren't as goof as when he was younger and I wish I could have gone to their concert with him. Now that would have been an awesome experience. 

           But these lyrics are very deep, it's very to to an extent that I can relate to them. Love is suicide, you give yourself forth so much to a person thinking that you should put them before yourself almost loosing your own dignity. But for what a heart break there is a book my friend is reading that is based on the idea that we need to let god find us our love story instead of making ourselves seeking the fairy tale love stories. So starting to day i'm stepping back and I think Its time I trust god in seeking me my story and till them I will stay busy with all my work and school things. That is the more important thing other than guys. 

            Although I know no one reads these but it's like a journal for me. And if someone does read these but doesn't comment, well i'm sorry that they aren't poems like my link states Amz poems but it's just that I have so much on my mind I thought just writing what is on my mind is a better Idea. 

           I'm putting down the pen, over scratching out relationships that ended in heart break

           It's time to let someone else take over the writing for awhile, even if it means sidelining for a bit.

           I know he knows better than I do what I need in life

           Even if it means no love for awhile I know his love is all I need to survive

           Trusting the pen of my story in another's hand is a relief 

           Lets me sit back and continue my life studying harder

           If patience is a virtue then I'll wait till he leads you my way

           So for now my Romeo will have to wait for the lord to lead him my way

           I'm done rushing 

           The only relationship I need is the one between me and the lord

           So I'm leaving my love story in your hands

           Because I trust in you lord.

           

So I'm letting god take over the pen to my love story.
And so far so good. (:
I don't need a boy to make me happy, or need one to love me. I just need me.
But other things are getting to me now.
School.
It's getting so much harder and I want so bad to be a nurse but I can't handle all this

Questions for an exlover.

Will you ever understand?

I can tell you a million and one times everything thats right

but it's the billion other times you do the wrong things.

How to love another more than yourself
It's one thing to be conceited but you go way beyond that title.
Is it that hard for you to want just me to be with just me
Am i really that pathetic that I can't please your every need
Who is going to be there for you when you need a lending hand
A million times it's been me but now it's time I let go.
You don't love me the way i love you
Is it easy for you to walk away from it all
Because It's getting easier for me to let you go
I'm tired of your games
You'll never understand till it's too late.

Impossible

Although usually I just write poems. I was listening to this song on the way home and I always tend to shed a tear while listening. I always think to myself why, is it that you still have the power to break me a little bit more. It's not like anything is the same anymore, to an extent we've both moved on. I stopped waiting around for to get over wanting to be with many instead of just me. It's obvious to everyone I guess that our chemistry was never balanced enough to work out. But I guess the reason why I bring this song up is when she sings "Tell them I was happy..." thats the part that always gets to me. You know when your so into something and all of a sudden it disappears you think why did that happiness get robbed from me? And before I met him I knew not to let my heart be so unprotected, I didn't really believe in love even though ppl thought my parents showed it to me daily. They didn't see the relationship I did behind the close doors of our house. It's a bummer to an extent that you were so strong to move on with more of you intact than i have of me. I'm a new me in the makings. A little of who I use to be still fights to be the whole me but I cant be that girl anymore that tends to let boys put her in a trance and make her forget who she is. I'm a strong girl. Your the only exception that it's okay that I let you walk all over me, I gave all of me to you when you were only giving me parts of you and other parts to other people. But after him I told myself never to fall in love again and i haven't my heart continued to try to grab on to anyone who'd give me the time and day but I'm more than just that. And it's time for me to move on even if it's with my open scars. :)

My lost angel.

No matter the time we've been apart
I still feel your presence in my heart
You made me the person I am today
Without knowing you help me live everyday
Memories of the laughs we had
Never understood what happened
Why you left me behind to try to survive
My heart breaks without your presence in it.
I'm not strong enough to visit you without crying.
I pray everyday that my day to be with you comes fast.
Living without you by my side is harder than it seems
I know you told us not to cry over your  departure
But don't judge me because I can't handle you gone
No one can replace you
No one even comes close to it.
I promise you'll always be in my thoughts
And i promise to live for you everyday.
I love you.

RIP. David Sean Uribe
My beloved cousin lost too sudden.
I will always miss you.
and love you!

You've been there all along.

How do I always end up with you

After all the time you said you'd walk away

You still stuck around

Maybe because you get what you want

But then again we both do

Can you be the one that my heart needs

The one who says can treat me right

We've never gotten that far

But we've been close for years

And you still get my heart racing

When I sneak out of the house to meet you

Meeting me in your drive way in your PJ's

Staying up talking about our days

Realizing we let too much time pass

Can we be more than what we are?

We've always had our set roles

But turning it into a relationship that's a leap

For both of us

You've alway been there to cheer me up

Lettin me cry on your shoulder when my heart was breaking

Admiring me from afar 

Waiting for your turn yet we had that chance

Can it be time for the next step?

Pebble for grabs

You were my world 

You were my everything 

But I'm so over being in the background hoping you notice me

Baby I love you but I can't do this much longer

I don't have the same strength you do

To keep my heart from taking over

Maybe you've moved on

And all the hope for us is over

But to me I see you still love me

I want to believe that you needed her just to get it out of your system

So that we can be even and get back into rhythm

I can't be your rock

If your only going to be kicking me around

I want to be that pebble you pick up to admire

The one you stick in your pocket

And never want to let go

But my patience is cutting short

And I'm starting to loose my cool

Everything I do is think of moving on

I want to be someone's pebble 

So drop me and walk away

If you've stop admiring my beauty

Let someone else pick me up 

And put me in their pocket

Sweet and Sour

Sometimes I'm very sweet
And I'll cuddle with you and kiss you
But then there are times where I can be sour
Only because I fall back into reality
I want to freeze my world of sweetness
Because there you'd still love me
And memories wouldn't haunt me
The breaking would stop of my heart
I'd hold your hand as we drive away in the sunset
Never looking back to what we went through
Giving you sweet little kisses
And knowing things were just right
I'd wish away doubts that always bring that sourness
The world where I know this only works out here and now
Nothing else matters now
But once you walk out the door it's all over
And you go back to living without me.
So i put this wall so that it hurts less this time.

Missing Paradise

Paradise was a blast.

But now i'm back home 

There is more problems stirring up than before I left.

I need a hug.

I need a new heart.

Mines torn between emotions.

Stop allowing me onto the roller coster

Wish they were emotions for you

Cept they are just my moods

Ship me back to paradise

Leave me there to change

I promise sooner or later I'll learn how to laugh

How to smile and hide all my pain

But for now let me be

Let me be a ticking bomb

Watch your distance I know your scared

But I can't control it.

So i need to go back to paradise.

Her story

Look into her eyes

And tell me what you see

Do they show you the same story they tell me?

Can you see how in love she is

With the man who uses her

Nothing can separate her

From all the pain he causes

Lies she knew not to believe but ended up accepting

How do you get her off this dead ended road

When she is filled with the hope that he may love her

Do you let her continue on that road

The road that will always end with a cliff of disappointment
Or do you pull her in
And tell her your the one who can save her

Packing

Feels like I'm packing away the pain of living a lie

All the things I do to be happy tend to backfire as I pack

Maybe running isn't the answer but it feels so good

Going to that special place where my worries don't exist

Its like popping a pill and feeling the ecstasy at command

No one can stop it

My heart beating uncontrollable

My stomach flipping in excitement

The touch I use to know so orgasmic brings me to the edge

But what happens when all that ends?

Do I come back to this world

Where I go day by day hoping that I can fake a smile?

Just to make you think everything is okay

These lies can't go on

But where do we go when they do

To a world of unicorns and cotton candy clouds

No we go a world we call reality.

Harsh but real

And I'm stuck trying satisfy people

But when will you go out of your way for me

When I'm holding on to life by a thread

Is that when they'll make an effort?

Karma can't save you so why should I try to have good karma.

I'm packing and I'm leaving it all behind

But of course your coming with me.

Love with boundaries.

Part without my heart and let it heal

You've broken it too many times before

You've let me believe you'd hold it again

Never letting it go

Maybe it worked a million times before

But a million and one ends tonight

I love you but thats not enough

So saying good-bye seems right

I'll always love you thats a given

But sometimes you just got to let go

Never forgetting you were my first love

So good-bye to days and nights that ended in passion

Welcome only friend time

But the kisses let me never forget them

By kissing me one last time

And I'll pack away the memories

Lock them away for good

To remind me of the fish's heart that got way

And left his friendship instead to stay

Love Lingers in the Heart

Endless nights that became hopeful mornings

Kisses that ended in an embrace

Love that started between to friends

Makes perfect lovers in the sheets

Beating hearts in an union

Till one steps out of beat

causes a whole lot of confusion

Turning into a sudden break

All the laughter becomes tears

And the love remains in one

Leaving the other to move along

Trying to reunify it's beat

The distance stays close

Friendship stronger than ever

causes their beats to beg for each other

Yet the hearts ignore the request

Leaves on falling apart

Holding on to every breathe

As the other dances freely

As if the other didn't exist

Busted lock.

It's uncontrollable.

All the emotions you give me without trying.

I've been fighting so hard with myself.

Just so I don't fuck up the friendship we have.

Yet my insides continue crying.

All the tears that I'm holding back.

And the words I wish I could tell you just ramble on in my head.

My body craves a substance to numb the pain.

But when I finally get it...

My subconscious betrays me.

Allowing all the tears I've been fighting back to drown me.

The words I wish I could tell you get told.

My rock hard skin turns to mush.

Allowing all of you to come out of me.

I don't know how much more I can handle.

Now I'm scared.

I thought I was stronger.

Yet some how your still able to mess with me.

I love you but...

It's hard to be on a one way road.

I'm soon going to hit a dead end.

I hope the impact is hard and fast just to get over it all.

My heart knows your still in possession.

And doesn't want to hide it.

But as long as I'm in control.

The tears will not fall.

The comments will not hurt me.

The memories may haunt me but it's something I can't let go.

And the words I'm dying to tell you will stay locked up.

Until the next time I lose control.

Or better yet...

When I start meaning something more.

And you love me again.

Hollywood

Its an extra hard effort to breathe

Your making my heart work faster in the hope to survive

Rushing to make the blood flow

You always seemed like beauty and fame

Nothing bringing you down

Gangs, fights yet that was your thing to show life

With all you glam and energy

The city of the Angels they call you

But the angels are no where to be found

In the city of thick smog clouds

My soul only seems more lost

The sun tries to get to me

Yet the black cloud scares the heck out of me

Hesitating to light my cigarette

With all the death flying above me

Don't leave angels for this is your heaven

A hell hole we call our mother earth

That we rape endlessly for goods

Stuck in a hopeless romantic's heart

Every moment spent in your presence is just like being in a dream

A dream that maybe you'll wake up from finding the spark that held your feelings for me

All the love and adventure we set out in our term of love and passion

The nights that turned into mornings

That neither one of us would want to leave...

Yet with every other reality, we ought to realize its not a fairy tale we live

Nothing really does last forever and there may not always be a 'happily ever after'

So I cherish every moment with you even if you don't love me

Even if that moment is just you in a room of people standing beside me in silence

It always feels like were dancing in the rain till sunrise after a stormy night

Because no matter how strong you are your feelings still affect my weathered heart.

Yet...

Nothing can stop a girl from dreaming, even if she knows tomorrow will just be reality

Where nothing changes and only more growing occurs

And only a hopeless romantic holds on to the past in hope of happiness

Because she always feels that sense of peace

And still holds hope in finding the pot full of gold, after your love storm hits.